I read a book on parenting titled Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff even though I am not a parent and I loved it. I think it even explains some of my behavior and that of others.

Introduction

Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff is a book about parenting in traditional societies and what we can learn from them. The author found that the advice that she was trying out didn’t work as expected. This book is from her exploration on the topic to find what’s going on. She visited Maya, Inuit and Hadzabe families to learn and practice their parenting techniques. This book shares what she observed and learnt about raising helpful, responsible, confident little humans from her visits. I have a disclaimer to make. I don’t have any children nor have I read any other book on parenting. I read this book mostly because I got curious about traditional societies, how they arrange their societies and the way they live. I think it opened my eyes to parenting advice in general and the struggles parents could be going through. The advice in it seem sound to me. I believe the tips and tricks are going to help a lot if and when I have children.

The areas of learning from the book can be categorized into 4. These are a review of the scientific backing of some parenting advice that we may have come across, a mindset to view children, their behavior and skills levels, the styles of parenting experienced influencing behavior or expectations and interesting things about life in the communities discussed in the book. The following sections discuss these in more detail.

I want to clarify the term traditional societies used here, I am using the term to group together the societies mentioned in the book. It is not used to mean they are stuck in the past. After all traditions are not static, they change.

A review of the scientific backing of some parenting advice that we may have come across

Some of the parenting advice, even the scientific ones, you may have received or heard about may have errors in them. The book discusses some of the possible issues and the factors that might have contributed to them. Factors like effects of industrialization, religion and misogyny are discussed. For instance the book discusses the advice to feed children every 2 hours and the lack of solid science behind it. The author also shared other books which has more on these topics. As an aside, I liked that the author did that because if I want to know more or want to get a better understanding of where the author is coming from, I can do it. Additionally I don’t have the training or patience to go through scientific articles so them beings books is also good. Now back to the book. The book discusses some of the scientific parenting advice, its shaky scientific foundations and how they came about or how it got popular. Reading it was eye opening to me.

Mindset shared on how to view children, their behavior and skill levels

The people from traditional societies discussed in the book show tremendous amount of understanding, empathy and emotional intelligence towards children. I believe these qualities are skills like any other and we can train ourselves to get better. The author talks about a shift in perspective that is helpful and nurturing when let’s say a child is hitting us. It is not helpful to think that the child wants to make us angry, hurt us or is manipulating us. It will make us angrier and turn the situation into a power struggle. It will be like if you make me angry you will pay the price. The problem with this kind of thinking is that we are not necessarily thinking about the child itself, there is not a lot of empathy there. The helpful perspective is understanding the child hasn’t learned to deal with a given situation in a good manner and it needs to be taught how. You could model it yourself to set an example for the child. The child may or may not learn instantly but hopefully with repetition they will get there. Traditional societies view what children are capable of or the skill levels appropriate for their age in a similar fashion. For example a child would be given a smaller task that it can accomplish if it wants to do what its parents are doing, for instance. It comes from a place of understanding and empathy. Reading the book has given me these helpful perspectives.

Insights about our behavior by the style of parenting that we experienced

I have read in books on emotional intelligence about how parenting could shape our behavior. This book surprised me with it’s take on how things could turn out in adulthood from the parenting style(s) experienced while growing up. The book discusses how we are raised influencing adult behavior/expectations when it comes to taking responsibility and the need for praise. I have read about such influences in a broad way but I found the perspective shared in the book to be really useful and concrete. I can better understand my expectations as well as somebody else’s with that knowledge. Also you may be able to speculate on somebody else’s upbringing from the behavior they exhibit. I think it is at least a good topic for conversation.

The accounts of parenting styles and way of life from different cultures

This book is not an account of daily life of people in the traditional societies discussed but I found the things shared about some of their life interesting. It was interesting to read about some aspects of life in the Maya, Hadzabe and Inuit communities. Some of the interactions noted in the book was thought provoking for me. It was intriguing to think about the Maya mom letting her little child make smaller tortillas on her own without shooing her away or too many instructions, the Inuit uncle getting laughed at by a dad and aunts for being angry at a child or the Hadzabe dad and child being in each others presence, mostly silent, peacefully.

Conclusion

This book was a really interesting read. It is educative, intriguing as well as entertaining. It reviews some of the parenting advice that we may come across, contain observations on certain parenting techniques and how children typically respond to them and have suggestions on what to try. I found this book helpful and I hope you do too.

Book discussed

• Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff